I’m so glad that holidays are finally over! Why? Because they really threw a wrench in my normal routine. Dance classes were cancelled, or I was working extra hours to make up the time taken off. I’ve missed two weeks of ballet, three weeks of Inna’s class, and only seen a little bit of Mr. Ivan.
But a few days ago I got back to ballet and though I screw up a lot, and it’s difficult, there are also moments where my body remembers how to be aligned properly and balance. In those moments I feel open and free. It’s pretty amazing. But, sadly, I ended up straining my left calf. It takes quite a bit of brute force to maintain some of the required positions, especially in my current body size, and my standing leg was strained to the point of shaking from fatigue while my working leg was doing what it needed to do. I ended up bowing out of doing jumps, but did finish the class and I did go to see Ivan afterwards for a lesson.
It wasn’t actually injured, and with some ice and heat and lots of stretching, it’s already pretty much back to normal, though I skipped ballet the following night because I knew the teacher tonight does a ton of jumps and I didn’t want to risk injuring myself or having to sit out half of the class.
Otherwise, my legs feel good, worked out, slightly sore, and I can see a faint glimmer of their old dancing shape beginning to emerge. Of course being off for over two weeks hasn’t been ideal, but I’m looking forward to the strength, flexibility, and lengthening that will be coming soon after more consistent attendance.
As far as things with Ivan go, we are continuing to work on our routines, and we began to develop the idea for a showcase number to that song “True Colors” from Glee that was really inspiring to me (
http://vimeo.com/37544876
) mentioned in a previous post. I love that Ivan is so cool about stuff like this. It means a lot to me – there is a lot of my own personal story that I want to put in the dance, and it’s really special to get to create something to express myself in this way.
And I also learned a new Cha Cha Step:
A new step in the Cha Cha
But the big thing that remains is the weight. I’ve ordered a new diet plan which arrived early this week and the plan is to commit to that and more exercise and to show up looking different at the next competition, (which, if you haven’t seen on the Facebook page, I’m looking for advice on which competitions to go to this year). That’s honestly my main focus (besides work) right now.
As Ivan says, I could stop dancing today but if I lost the weight than everything would change even without any practice. Well, that isn’t gonna happen because I love it too much and dancing is part of my healing process, but I’ve had enough of my belly getting in the way of stretching, and being limited in what I can do dance-wise because of my body. I can’t wait to not worry about what I’m going to wear and spend time finding the outfit that will make me look the least fat. It’s for the birds. Enough is enough. This is my year. It has to be. I’ve decided. Because I have big aspirations and this is going to get me closer. I’m drawing my line in the sand, declaring my intention, and refusing to let this hinder me any more. And so far this diet plan is working really well for me. I’ve been able to stick to it all week, and I don’t feel stressed out about it or like I’m starving or anything. The biggest problem is that there is mandatory overtime right now so even without exercise or a dance lesson, I’m putting in 12 hour days, and working weekends. Things will get better once the peak season is over, but the diet thing is a big step in the right direction and I’m going to get in whatever activity I can for now (like I’m committed to always using the stairs at work…a small thing but I think it will add up over time), with plans to make it more scheduled in the future.
Speaking of, even though I had to work today, I was able to schedule it so that I could fit a double lesson in with Ivan this morning. I think this post is long enough so I’ll just mention two things. First, I had a Dr. Strangelove/Alien Hand Syndrome moment this morning.
By Directed by Stanley Kubrick, distributed by Columbia Pictures [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Like for reals, yo! We all know I have arm styling issues. As Ivan said, teasingly, “On Alemana, I never know what arms you gonna use. It always a surprise. And always you look dyslexic like a chicken.” (Ivan Bulgarian-English translation of dyslexic is uncoordinated even though it doesn’t mean anything close to that!)
Well, anyways, we are working on perfecting the Cha Cha routine, still breaking down each count and movement so I will know what I am doing, and on this one part I’m supposed to pause and look back at Ivan and I decided I’d put my arm on my neck for styling but yeah, it didn’t work so well. My arm kind of spasmed this way and that, unsure of where to place itself. It almost had a mind of its own, but it was a very confused mind. I just thought it was funny and it made me think of Dr. Strangelove Syndrome. I’m weird like that.
The second thing I’ll mention has to do with a comment Ivan made while we were dancing. I was doing a move and he was like, “No! Why you rushing? This is expensive movement. Show how expensive it is.” It was a weird way to phrase it, but it is actually a very, very true statement. Every step I’ve learned, every step I work to perfect is expensive…in the literal sense it has cost me money and time and effort. But just like Chanel perfume or a pair of Versace gloves, you can tell the quality, the expense that went into making it. Well, that’s how I want to highlight my dancing, as a luxurious and beautiful expression, the quality of the movement demonstrated in a millisecond, and the money, time, and effort behind making it seem effortless recognized by those with the eyes to see. I mean we all want to look like the pros when we dance, but are we willing to “pay our dues” and work as if we were pros, even if we are not? I want to clothe myself in the finest metaphorical silk, but am I willing to weave the silk to make the cloth in the first place?
It makes me think of this status post from Joy In Motion. If you haven’t liked her page, go do so. She’s primarily about Lindy Hop but shares all sorts of wonderful dance-related thoughts, blog posts, and videos. I’ve enjoyed following her on “the Facebook.” Anyways, here is the quote:
“By nature, we humans shrink from anything that seems possibly painful or overtly difficult. We bring this natural tendency to our practice of any skill. Once we grow adept at some aspect of this skill, generally one that comes more easily to us, we prefer to practice this element over and over. Our skill becomes lopsided as we avoid our weaknesses. Knowing that in our practice we can let down our guard, since we are not being watched or under pressure to perform, we bring to this a kind of dispersed attention. We tend to also be quite conventional in our practice routines. We generally follow what others have done, performing the accepted exercises for these skills.
This is the path of amateurs. To attain mastery, you must adopt what we shall call Resistance Practice. The principle is simple—you go in the opposite direction of all of your natural tendencies when it comes to practice.
First, you resist the temptation to be nice to yourself. You become your own worst critic; you see your work as if through the eyes of others. You recognize your weaknesses, precisely the elements you are not good at. Those are the aspects you give precedence to in your practice. You find a kind of perverse pleasure in moving past the pain this might bring. Second, you resist the lure of easing up on your focus. You train yourself to concentrate in practice with double the intensity, as if it were the real thing times two. In devising your own routines, you become as creative as possible. You invent exercises that work upon your weaknesses. You give yourself arbitrary deadlines to meet certain standards, constantly pushing yourself past perceived limits. In this way you develop your own standards for excellence, generally higher than those of others.
In the end, your five hours of intense, focused work are the equivalent of ten for most people. Soon enough you will see the results of such practice, and others will marvel at the apparent ease in which you accomplish your deeds.”
– Robert Greene
Well, it blew my mind. And, it made me want to work harder! I found it extremely motivating, and it also helped me focus my intent behind my new diet. So, weird Alien hand moves aside, I’m really excited about the coming year and where my dancing will take me. The only caveat to the above quote is that while being a critic of my weaknesses, I pledge to hold them compassionately. It’s way too easy for me to be hard on myself, so I intend to do the good work as suggested by this Robert Greene, but in a kind, self-loving context – this doesn’t mean being blind to my faults, denying them, or excusing them, but it does mean loving myself while pushing myself in a bold, disciplined, focused and intense manner. With any luck, I will generate results similar to this other gem of “the Facebook,” Rick, a very inspiring dude down from 426 pounds!!
And I guess that’s it for now! I uploaded some fun pics from the dance camp on the Facebook page for BGintheB and videos will follow shortly of the pro show from the dance camp, choreography presented, as well as video from the Imperial Ballroom Holiday Showcase (including the routine that won the Ohio Star Ball Showdance for the International Ballroom division from Artem and Inna) - it just takes a long time to upload them from my phone, so if you haven’t liked it yet, remember I do post some extra content there.
So for now, good night!
